When the women’s liberation movement started, it’s safe to assume that turning vaginas into twenty-four hour glittering discotheques was not in their vision.


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When the women’s liberation movement started, it’s safe to assume that turning vaginas into twenty-four hour glittering discotheques was not in their vision. Fortunately, we’ve moved on from the structured era of the modernist feminist, so if you want your vagina to be a thumping mix of disco lights and bad taste, may I present you the wonderful world of vajazzling.

Vajazzling is a trend sweeping L.A. that involves sticking rhinestones on your vagina. It appears to have started with Jennifer Love Hewitt. Typical. When promoting her new book The Day I Shot Cupid on American late-night show Lopez Tonight, she announced that there was a chapter in it about "vajazzling" her "vajajay". Stating that it looked "cute", she informed George Lopez that she was, at that moment, covered in "hot pink" crystals and encouraged all women to take part in the $2 shop craze. Viral explosiveness ensued and the next day – proving that no one had anything better to do than search ‘vajazzling’ in the not-so-vain hope of finding Jennifer's exposed and encrusted muff – it became one of the most searched terms on Google. Cool.

With a thirst for information and an image search quickly underway, the questions weighing heavy on my mind were soon answered in the glittering form of an x-rated Christmas tree, a Google-grid of tiny decorated vaginas all looking for a home. Barely three clicks away and I found Lizzy the Lezzy: a cartoon featuring a lesbian agony aunt with a zest for decoration, mons pubis style. It was all pretty disturbing and as I listened to her haunting song of decoration, I felt myself slip further down the rabbit hole. My favourite ‘v-jaz’ video asked the question “and what could be more awesome than a decorative surprise?” I didn’t have an answer, only more questions. I then became distracted by the grey goo dribbling down my arm. Just my brain, no need to worry.

As the fog lifted, I realised this was just an extension of Japan's kawaii culture of turning everything into a 'cute' commodity. And what could make an already glamorous assortment of pink folds cuter? Rhinestones, of course! The world makes sense again. Wait, what’s this jizz-azzling? That’s another story, another gender.