Most women in the Bible are either whores or housewives, kind of like in The Sopranos. Fewer than 200 of them are named in the Old Testament and, regardless of where they sit on the prostitute-housewife continuum, most have questionable morals. But the Good Book is still home to some rockin’ bitches.

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Most women in the Bible are either whores or housewives, kind of like in The Sopranos. Fewer than 200 of them are named in the Old Testament and, regardless of where they sit on the prostitute-housewife continuum, most have questionable morals. But the Good Book is still home to some rockin’ bitches:

This dynamic duo take down Sisera, the (until then) undefeated champion of the Canaanite army.  According to the Midrash, Sisera's voice could kill a wild beast in its tracks and his beard could catch enough fish to feed his entire army when he bathed in the Kishon.

Feeling the good vibes from God, Deborah convinces the general Barak to raise an army against Sisera. With God on their side, Barak's ten thousand men rout Sisera's army while he flees on foot. He makes the mistake of turning up on the doorstep of the certified killeress Jael. She plies him with milk before driving a tent peg into his temples, fastening him to the ground while he sleeps.


The Jewish Queen of Persian King Ahasuerus, Esther has a whole holy book named after her. She becomes Queen through a biblical version of The Bachelor, except the bachelor is a sleazy old widower who killed his first wife for disrespecting him.

At the suggestion of his Prime Minister, Haman, the King orders the murder of every Jew in the Kingdom (Haman's reason? He was slighted by a Jew). After a bit of fasting, Esther uses her feminine wiles to convince the King not only to renounce the order, but to kill Haman and allow the Jews to arm themselves. Buoyed by her success, she then convinces him to let the Jews kill their enemies' wives and children and plunder their estates for two days.


Jane Kelsey has these women to thank for a job. After their father Zelophehad died, these five sisters were in a tricky spot: religious law stated that only male heirs could inherit their father's property, but they had no brothers.

Striking a major blow for women's rights, they file the world's first lawsuit to claim the property. The lawsuit makes it all the way up to God who orders Moses to hand over the land and let the women get on with it.


Deborah and Jael took on a general, Esther challenged a King, the Daughers of Zelophehad picked a fight with the laws of Israel but Eve topped them all by going toe-to-toe with God. She defied his instruction - originally issued on pain of death - not to eat from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. The temptation of the fruit - contrary to popular belief - was not that it was forbidden but that it would “make one wise”: granting humans self-awareness and the ability to distinguish and choose between good and evil.

Eve ate the fruit and God went nuts. Pain in childbirth and barren soil were just a couple of the going away gifts he gave Adam and Eve when he expelled them from the Garden of Eden but it’s a deal we shouldn’t look back on. The ability to choose between good and evil, to sin and make mistakes, adds a richness that defines the human experience. Without her, we’d be stuck in a staid, sinless existence, lolling about in God’s back garden.